ll I Won't Give Up- Jason Mraz ll
"Knock, knock!" I announce my arrival as I opened the unlocked door of Drew + Everett's house, the fresh, cool air-conditioning greeting me gladly. Outside it was a scorching, as per usual during summer, even though it was mid-August and the summer was coming to a close.
This summer had been boring to say the least. Uneventful, simply 'there' in terms of productivity and excitement. Nothing like last summer, which I had thoroughly enjoyed. Late nights spent with Drew on the couch, or even on my roof falling asleep under the stars, playing games of 'I Never' (proudly being able to drink at the classic 'I never had se.x' starter question).
It had been a good summer, last summer. I may just count it as my best.
But this summer?
It consisted of Everett and I, Everett and I, and even more Everett and I. I hung out with Drew of course, but since Everett had asked me out in the beginning of June, things hadn't been the same. They were different. The mood shifted into an awkward territory suddenly. I didn't know what was up with him and what caused his weird moods and uncomfortableness around me, but I sure knew that mine was caused by being in love with him… whilst also dating his brother. It made it an awkward situation while also making me re-think everything, re-feeling all of the feelings I felt for Drew.
Re-feeling everything just made it stronger though. It grew, and grew, and grew, and I was neck deep, swimming in my feelings for a boy that looks at me as nothing more than a sister.
And here I was, school nearing, still swimming, but close to drowning.
The entranceway to the house is brightly bathed in sunlight pouring in from the windows and sliding door leading out to the deck that were all open, casting the gleam right across the wide, hardwood planks.
In the living room, I could hear the t.v. blaring and so I made my way into there, seeing a familiar fuzz of dark hair sitting there on the couch, eyes closed, looking so well rested with their earphones stationed firmly in their ears.
Making my way around the couch, I recognized the face instantly.
It was Drew.
I knew this point blank.
I had studied his face for years and years well enough to know exactly the differences of his face from Everett's. The differences were minuscule, small enough that everybody would hardly notice, but trust me, they were there.
A good girlfriend and best friend who knew one twin from another would just simply sit beside him and wake him up by patting him, maybe taking his earphones out.
I was being the opposite of just that as I sat down as gently as I could, pressing my lips to his softly, him waking up instantly, I could feel it, his eyes opening and then closing, but still kissing back for a second before he pulled away looking alarmed.
"Yeah?" I say, putting on my innocence. I'd definitely have to play it up in this case. Maybe play the dumb card a tiny bit. "Didn't you hear me come in, babe?" I reach out with my hand and stroke his cheek with my thumb.
"Um.. earphones," He points to them, which he has yanked out. "Ruby… I'm… I'm Drew… are you looking for Everett?"
I pretend to act surprised, "Oh! Oh my gosh, Drew, I'm so sorry!" I remove my hand, covering my cheeks in a poor attempt to mimic an embarrassed, blushing look. I hope he can't tell. Please tell me he can't tell that I set this whole thing up. It may seem pathetic, to have to pretend to 'accidentally' kiss the guy of your dreams. But I had to do it. I just had to.
He smiles at me, that same warm smile he always has. I can't tell if he's figured it out or not. I'm leaning towards he has. He knows me too well… but will he address it? Probably not. "It's alright, Rubykinz… but yeah… you missed Everett. He just left a little while ago to go to work."
"Bummer… but I really want to hang out with you," I kick off my wedges, getting comfy, "Wanna just hang out, maybe watch a movie or two, like old times?" I offer.
He shrugs, sitting up, cracking his neck from side to side and stretching, "Sure! Why not?"
"Great!" I grin, already going over to the selection of dvds he's accumulated over the years before picking out a favorite of ours- Friends With Benefits. "Friends with Benefits sound alright?"
He raises an eyebrow simply, "Are you asking me about the movie or the other way?" He jokes.
I pop it into the dvd player without another word before sitting down on the couch, gently hitting him in the arm, "Shut up!" I grin.
"So," He begins as I curl my feet underneath me, grabbing the remote off the coffee table. "Do you really have more issues than Vogue?" He glances at my tank top, winking at me.
I snicker, "Nope, proudly… you know all of my issues though, so there's very few."
"Except for that extremely huge, mega big one about you not liking the guy you're dating."
I sigh, "Can we not talk about this now? I thought this was supposed to be like old times? Before Everett and I were together."
He looks at me with a look that's complex. It's challenging. If only he knew that my heart was in his custody. If only he knew that I was lying to myself, to him, to Everett for so long and that I loved Drew so so much. If only he knew all of these things. How easier would my life be.
"Listen," I turn towards him, grabbing his hand and putting mine over his. Anything to feel his touch. A touch from him I can only obtain in the least intimate of meanings. "I'm sorry, okay? But… I just don't want to talk about Everett… you're right… there's nothing really there for Everett and I haven't broken up with him because I just… I think maybe something will come. I'm just waiting for it. I have to be patient."
"It's been two months, Ruby…. two months… how much more patient do I-" He cuts himself off suddenly, "You have to be to realize you're not happy with him?"
Until I have the balls to tell you I'm in love with you.
So I really don't have the answer for this. Not at all. I didn't know when I would pluck up the courage to finally confess to it all.
"I don't have an answer…" I say quietly, looking down at our hands. The memories came back in flash beyond flash, all of that night. That night where we had done what seemed like the unspeakable for two best friends that were best friends and nothing more.
I thought of when we talked about it, when he grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs, when he kissed me near my lips and I made my lips on his, our bodies soon so close.
How one night could change you. How one night could change you wholly- physically, emotionally, mentally. I never imagined things could be like that.
"When will you?" He asks back silently, his voice barely above a whisper. He makes himself comfortable, lying down on the couch, looking at me so sincerely. He looks so inviting. And so I take the invitation.
I lie down right next to him, the curve of our bodies fitting perfectly into one another. It's spooning, as they call it, but his arms don't reach to grab around me and hold me like the cute couples in movies do, oh no, not yet.
"When I know I'll tell you the answer." I say to him attempting a smile and instead of focusing on the movie playing on the screen, I begin to close my eyes, suddenly tired of everything.
Tired of being in a relationship with a person I couldn't stand. Tired of empty kisses. Tired of feeling so trapped in my own emotions.
Tired of loving someone with no hope of the feelings being mutual.
Finally though, just as I'm drifting off, I finally feel Drew's arm make it's way around me, something so comforting, holding me there, so innocent. Well, we had to be innocent, didn't we?
The last thing I feel is a peck on the top of my light waves, finally feeling Drew's body thoroughly sink into mine.