Life is beautiful and I am okay and I am glad to be alive.

Really.

Concretely. I think this guy I was sort of seeing has gotten me down a bit with the whole, "let's be friends... at least for now... don't count on anything happening" thing.
I do deserve better and honestly as much as his kisses made my heart swell, I don't know if it's good for me. If anything were to happen, you know?
(When I say "anything happening" I mean the prospect of us being officially in a relationship.)

I'm going to look back on this set description as a sign probably.

I don't plan on texting him (first anyhow) all weekend until I get back at least. The last I heard from him was a happy Thanksgiving text.

I'm home for the weekend. So are most of my schoolmates.

I have at least one best friend. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Maybe I needed to have that guy in my life in order to show me how I could be in a relationship if I wanted. How to do it. To teach me how to kiss and cuddle and do it right. He was romantic and I liked him and I still do like him. But I like the him from when we were somewhat together for that short time.

Third, I'm not the jealous type. I'm an insecure type. I torture myself mentally thinking there are a million things in the world better than me and if for a second I think I'm better I feel guilty and that I'm not worth demanding respect on behalf of. I know that this is not the case. But that is not what I feel. I make mountains out of molehills in my head.
I am sorry that I'm making such a big deal out of you. You will probably never know that I've written poetry about you.
I internalize what I feel. I'll put it to words on paper and hide it and I will keep it in my head and I will post it in the set descriptions on polyvore because I know you likely wouldn't check here.
I am sorry that I was docile. I promise you that I didn't want to be. I just didn't think it was okay. Because of Sara.
I know she must have broken up with you. I know she is probably over it. But I don't know where you stand.
There's so much I want to say to you and so much I want to say to you in letters I will never send.
I don't want to keep writing them but they come anyway.

I need to sleep.
But life is better than it's ever been.
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two comments

lindaweldon
Wrote 4 years ago
I'm glad you are writing it down. Keep some of it so you can read it years later and remember what it was like! I won't give you the requisite parental advice like " He wasn't right for you." and "You'll find someone else." and "Theres plenty of fish in the sea." ( whoever though that one up? Since when have fish been romantic?)
 
I love the set and I love hearing about how you are doing. I hope you had lots of turkey and family togetherness!

koalamum
Wrote 4 years ago
Yes. Everything what had happened in our lives happened for THE FIRST TIME.... first love, first despair, first tears, first farewell... we can't go throug life with a constant happy smile on a face.... you know this better than anyone else.... and you are intelligent, you can think it over and draw conclusions... it's YOUR life experience...you are so young, there is the whole future awaiting for you!! remember, "life is better than it's ever been"!!!!

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