[collab with my randi @xshadesofblackx <333]
People complain about Seattle too damn much. You might have grown up here and dread the memories, but come on it’s one of the biggest and most populated cities in the country! Yeah, it rains a lot but still! We’re putting on a party that’s about to put L.A and New York to shame! Be at Club Alibi or you’ll miss the fun! Not that you’ll remember it anyways ;)
"Do you really think you can hide from me?" A familiar voice said from behind me and I turned around as I grabbed the drink the bartender just set on the counter.
"I'm not hiding from you." I said quietly, capturing the straw between my lips and taking a small sip before looking at Romeo. "More like I'm avoiding you." He cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms against his chest, "Is that what you had in mind when you decided to not show at the cafè today?"
"Why was I supposed to be at the cafè?" I asked, furrowing my brows and pretending I didn't remember that I had given him my word I'd have a coffee with him. I had tried to go, convincing myself that it wasn't such a big deal, but just when I had walked out the door of my apartment I had decided it was better to stay home.
He shook his head slowly, not breaking the eye contact, "I waited for you for one hour."
"Maybe you didn't wait enough." I said shrugging my shoulders casually even if I was surprised to hear that.
"You could have at least called me." He sighed, glancing away before his eyes met mine again.
"I don't have your number...ops." I smirked and took a step forward, ready to disappear in the crowd but he stopped me, stepping to a side.
He looked down at me, our bodies so close they almost touched and I could smell his cologne. "You still owe me a talk." He said seriously, the expression of his face making clear he wouldnt give up on that.
I took a deep breath, running a hand through my hair and boring my eyes into his. I knew he wouldn't let me go, I had to face him and sooner was better than later. "Fine, I'm here. What do you want to tell me?"
"I wanted to let you know that..." Romeo spoke as he looked into my eyes, pausing a moment before he blinked, "..I'm not going to give up."
"Give up what? Life is not a game or a horse you can simply get back on, Romeo.. You just..don't." I sighed, "Are you going to let go?"
"I was given another chance, Kris.. Plus you and I are in the same city again. Life might not be a game but it is definitely a maze, one where I've taken plenty of twists and had to head back from dead ends to start over again." He said, his eyes not leaving mine and I wondered if that was a lame line from one of his songs.
I looked down a moment, knowing I was going to sound like a b.itch. "You're ridiculous.. You know that? I'm a writer yes, but it takes a songwriter to spout such fluff." My eyes lifted to look up at him.
"It's not that..." He told me, tugging lightly on my arm, "Let's go stand outside." He didn't give me much choice as we headed for the side door.
"Romeo.. Stop. I can walk by myself without you dragging me." I grumbled, trying not to spill me drink.
"I don't want to lose you in the crowd.. Again." He said, pushing open the door that led to the patio, lit dimly by the tiny lights woven here and there.
"Would it be that bad?" I asked flatly, brushing past him and walking to a small wall to take a sit.
"Yes, it would." He said as he stood in front of me, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
I stirred my drink with the straw, my eyes staring the ice cubes before moving up to his, "Why? Why all of a sudden you want to see me and you think that it's such a lucky coincidence being in the same city again?" I asked, the tone of my voice calm but not cold because for once I wasn't attacking him, I was genuinely curious to hear his answer.
"Because I think it really is, we shouldn't waste it." He said with a shrug, his words so simple it almost seemed to me to talk with a guy who had stopped growing up when he was 18.
I took a sip from my drink and shook my head as I crossed my legs, "You live in a dream Romeo. It might be a coincidence but it doesn't matter."
He snorted, taking a box of cigarettes from his pocket and sliding one out to place it between his lips as his free hand fished out a silver lighter from his other pocket. That lighter had been mine once. "But why?" He said as he lit the cigarette, his eyes glancing at the fire before looking at me again.
"Because we've been apart for six years, that must mean something."
"Maybe we had to grow up and into our own people." He shrugged, taking a drag off his cigarette as he put the lighter away.
I half expected that at some point he'd start talking about fairies and unicorns, he had no idea of how reality really worked. "Really? That simple, Romeo?" I said, shaking my head. "I have grown up and I don't need the recklessness and unpredictability you always have in your life. You aren't so secretive with your actions."
"You mean what the magazines write about?" He arched his brows, "Come on, Kris.. I could be that way because I didn't have anyone to answer to, no one cared. So why should I care about myself if no one else does?"
"One person can't matter that much, Romeo. Besides... You have millions of fans. Aren't they enough?" I spoke, not really looking at him because I was terrified he could become one of those rockstar guys who used their fans just to feed their ego.
"No.. Not really. They don't know me." He answered firmly. "You do.."
"I did." I replied hastily, "A long time ago. The person you are now isn't the same."
"Really? Look at me for once.. Tell me I'm not the same." He reached out to touch my cheek, his eyes searching mine once again. I stared at him, studying the features I knew by memory and I couldn't help smiling...he had become such a handsome man. "Is that a smile?" He asked quietly, brushing his thumb against my lips, his touch burning on my skin.
I didn't deny but ignored him, "You didn't have facial hair." I said with a smirk.
He let out a small sigh and bit back a grin, "I didn't mean physically Kris." He shook his head as his hand moved down my neck.
I grabbed his wrist, forcing him to take his hand off of me because I hadn't gotten laid in a while and his touch was distracting. "It's all I can judge, I couldn't tell if you're the same even if I would."
"You know it instead." He said stubbornly, inhaling the smoke from his cigarette before puffing it out from the corner of his mouth.
"All I know is what I read here and there." I said honestly, my eyes wandering in the dark of the night once against instead of looking at him.
"They're all lies, you should know better than anyone else that journalists care only about what will make them sell the magazines." He retorted, the frustration showing in his voice. He was right about that, but still...there was always a part of truth hidden between the lines.
I bore my eyes into his this time, glaring, "Are you telling me that it's not true that you basically f.ucked up your career? The only reason why I let you walk out of my life was because I believed in your talent and look at you now..." I trailed off, shaking my head as my heart ached for how harsh and true my words were, "I let you go for nothing."
Romeo looked away, taking another drag off his cigarette before dropping it to snuff out under his shoe, "You let me go because you wanted to be free of me.." He exhaled the smoke in the same breath, looking at the ground.
He was making me sound like I was an horrible person when I had always wanted the best for him, even if that meant to end up with a broken heart. "No.. I didn't want to hold you back. You wouldn't have gone to Los Angeles if I didn't! I had to go to New York and you to California.. We couldn't have made it separated." I told him, my voice getting soft at the end.
"Really? I thought we could make it through anything. That's why I was so shocked when you said you were going to New York alone." He looked over at me, his jaw tightening, "I could have found something to do while you were at school.. LA isn't the only place to be discovered. It happens in New York too."
"You're lying to yourself, Romeo. You would have done the same thing you did here. Small time gigs and open mic nights. You were capable of so much more. You finally became famous and people realized what I knew all along, you had talent. Then what? You gave up?" I arched a brow at him.
"I didn't give up.. It just wasn't worth it. The fame felt empty, the fans shallow.. I didn't want it anymore.." He told me, running a hand through his dark hair.
"So you ran away and came back here." I supplied, my arms crossing over my chest.
He cleared his throat quietly, "No.. I tried to kill myself. I took all the pills I had in my suitcase and plenty of blow.. I should be dead but for some reason I'm not. Well.. I was for five minutes but.." He shrugged his shoulders, "I came back here to think. Mostly try to figure out what makes living every day worth is because it certainly isn't my job."
I swallowed, processing his words as I felt slightly dizzy, I didn't really know what to say at that point. That was one of the rare times in my life that I was speechless. "I read that you...I mean, they made it sound like you had drug issues but I had no idea of how really things were." I finally said, my voice low and barely audible, without even realizing it I was holding my breath.
"I told you that what you read is far from the truth." He shrugged and looked at me closely.
I downed my drink, tossing my head back before setting the empty glass on the wall as I got up. "You're such an idiot!" I heard myself say as I pushed him lightly to get my way back towards the door. I couldn't believe to what I had just heard, the thought of him dead made me feel sick, angry, sad and even guilty.
"Kris!" He grabbed my arm quickly, pulling me against him, "Stop running away for christ's sake!"
"No!" I shouted in his face, fighting the tears forming in my eyes. I never cried, ever, and mostly not for a guy, not for him. I hadn't cried when I had seen him take his plane to LA, or during my first year in New York when I missed him so much I felt like dying and I wasn't going to cry now.
He wrapped his arms around my body, holding me against his body which was a lot harder than I remembered but it felt just as good. "Stop fighting me Ten, please..." He said in a whisper, his hand caressing my hair gently.
I took a deep breath and even if I wanted to pull away I didn't, I wanted the prove that he was still alive against me. "Why did you do that?" I asked, not knowing what to expect.
"I was tired.. I was emotionally drained and done with everything. Nothing felt right, just felt wrong and I was done. I knew I had something amazing when I was younger but I let it slip through my fingers.. Let you..." Romeo whispered against my hair.
"No..." My voice was soft at first, "No, Romeo. You can't blame me for what you didn't feel a few months ago. It was mutual when we broke up. You knew we had to let go of each other. I just had to be the first one to make the move because you wouldn't." I bit my lip, folding myself small against him for a moment. Had I taken the right decision? I has stopped asking to myself, the answer had to be yes.
"I couldn't.. Nor did I want to. Ten, you were it. You always have been." He told me, his hand lifting my chin gently to force me look at him.
"How do you know? You can't be so certain over some teenage romance. We barely knew each other." I defended, turning my head to be freed from his hand.
"That's bullsh.it and you know it, Ten. You knew everything about me."
"And yet I never could have predicted what you'd do without me.." I lifted my hand to press against his chest as I stepped back. "I gave you your chance, Romeo.. I can't. Not anymore. Being a person's sole reason for living? No." I shook my head, feeling exhauste, "You're just being dramatic."
"I am not! It's love. Our love that made things worth it. I just wish you could see.." He told her as I slid from his arms again, needing to put as much space as possible between us.
"You're the one blind to the fact we're in different places of our lives.." I answered firmly.
"And yet we're both standing right here in front of each other."
"Stubborn, aren't you?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest as a shiver ran up my spine.
"Aren't you just like me?" He retorted, sliding his hands into the pocket of his jeans.
I looked at him, processing his words. I could be hard to persuade, a bit reckless and with a well developed artistic side, but that was where all the similarities ended. "I'm stubborn only for things that are worthy or make sense." I said eventually, obviously referring to the kind of life he had led during the past years. I didn't mean to make him feel bad, but I was the kind of person who didn't sugar coat the pill just because it was a super bitter one. Also, he didn't need that, he had to face the truth.
"You're both to me." He said seriously.
"Stop that!" I shook my head, not wanting to hear more, because the more he went on the harder was to pretend those words didn't affect me. "I can't help you to find yourself and figure out what to do with your life. You're not seventeen anymore, you have to do it by yourself."
"That's not what I'm asking to you!" He groaned, rolling his eyes and making no mystery of how he was starting getting annoyed or at least frustrated.
"I don't care of what you're asking, my answer is no." I cut him off, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible. "I have to go back inside."
"You don't have to unless you're with someone..." He raised one eyebrow at me, his eyes searching mine as I kept avoiding his gaze.
I pursed my lips together and for a moment the idea of lying to him crossed my mind, but I wasn't that kind of person. "My friend's probably looking for me." I said eventually.
"Okay." He said simply, looking lost in a thought as I walked to the door. "Kris." He stopped me.
I tossed my head over his shoulder, staring into her eyes and I felt guilty for leaving him alone in such a hard time of his life. Even if I hadn't seen him in a while, even if he had made the wrong choices, even if he was just the ghost of the guy I had loved in high school...I still had a heart and I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. "Yeah?" I said quietly.
"Can I at least call you sometimes?" He asked, the tone of his voice soft.
I offered a small smile and nodded, not saying anything more as I walked away.