[collab with my precious princess @ssaarah :)]
I cradled Lyla in my arms, shifting her weight which was close to nothing from one of my arms to the other as I noticed that she was falling asleep. Thank god. I loved my niece, she was the cutest baby on earth, but I had to admit that she was a lot to handle no matter how good she was. Diapers, bottles, communication problems and crazy sleeping patterns weren't for me, not yet though, but once in a while I was more than happy to take care of her if my brother needed it. I smiled at her and ran my fingers through her thin hair, pacing the room and stopping as I noticed Sean looking at me. I blinked my eyes at him since I hadn't heard him come back. "You almost scared me." I whispered, giving him a bad look.
He walked over me, glancing down at his daughter in adoration. "I doubt you can be scared so easily." He grinned and caressed her chubby cheek, causing her to wake up again. "How was my baby?"
"She was fine until you got back." I joked and stuck my tongue out at him, thankful to have the chance to spend a say at his place when my apartment was a living hell instead. "Her temperature is better."
He sighed, looking exhausted in his expensive suit and the circles around his eyes that matched the color of his tie. "Good." He smiled at me, "How are you instead?"
I shrugged, not wanting to share with him anything about my fight with Trey. Correction, fights, because lately they were more than one. "I'm okay." I answered quickly, focusing on the baby more than on him. If he stared at me long enough he'd catch my lie and I didn't want that. "Where's Greta?"
"She'll be back in a while or so she said." He explained, his eyes lighting up at the mere mention of his wife. Crazy how he went from manwh.ore to devoted husband and father. I nodded but didn't add a word, too busy staring at my nice. "I'll take a shower, okay?"
"Sure." I said and smiled more genuinely, watching him go out of the room. I leaned over Lyla and pressed a kiss on her forehead, causing her to move a little before yawning with her tiny mouth as a knock came from the other room. I walked to the door, expecting Greta but meeting Trey's eyes as I opened it. I definitely didn't expect that.
"Hi." He said quietly, giving me a weird look before glancing down at my niece. "Can I come in?"
"Sure." I answered and took a step to the side to allow him to walk into the apartment before closing the door behind him. I waited for him to turn to me. "What are you doing here?"
"Can't I see my girlfriend now?" He asked back, raising his eyebrow at me and I wasn't sure if he was there to keep being a j.erk or with a white flag.
"I'm surprised." I answered and spun on my heels to walk over the couch, taking a seat and playing with Lyla's tiny fingers instead of looking at him.
“Surprised with what?” Trey asked, watching as the little girl opened her eyes and smiled up at him.
She was adorable and basically an angel, my brother was a lucky dad. “I thought you’d be watching the game at home.” I shrugged, moving Lyla to my chest as she started fussing.
He reached his hands out for the baby and I narrowed my eyes at him for no reason, it was kind of a habit I had lately and I highly disliked it. Still, I couln't help it. “You know that kid loves me.” He said seriously and he was right, I didn't know what was about him but he always managed to make her smile or at least calm. I pursed my lips, but Lyla started crying and I surrendered, handing the tiny girl over to him. Trey was going to be an amazing dad some day, I was sure about that, I had always thought that we'd get married and have a family together but now I was so uncertain about us that I had put that thought aside. I didn't know if I could be a good wife, let alone a good mom. He grabbed her tiny waist and held her over his head, smiling into her eyes. “Hey cutie!” She stopped fussing and squealed at him before laughing.
“Careful” I said, though my voice was softer since everytime I saw him with my niece I melted. “She’s still sick.”
He tossed her in the air a few inches and she giggled more before he rocked her in his arms. “Even sick girls deserve some fun.” He pointed out, rocking her back and forth over and over. “I'm sorry about how I was this morning.” He said pointedly.
“Okay.” I picked at my cuticles while Lyla bit down on his finger, something that would have hurt if she had teeth yet.
He walked up closer to me and tilted my head up with his free hand. “What else can I say?” He asked softly.
I knew how bad he was at owning up to things when he was wrong and that he felt bad if he was. "Nothing." I shrugged and this time I wasn't giving him that answer just to annoy him even more, I genuinely had no idea of what he could say. He apologized, that was fine, but truth was that where words seemed to fail us lately I wished he'd speak with facts.
"Jules..." He trailed off, brushing his thumb against my cheek as he bore his eyes into mine, studying my expression.
I stared into his eyes and bit my lip until I couldn't do it anymore and moved my gaze down on Lyla who looked like a living china doll, "I don't know what you can say." I stopped, caressing my niece's hand and playing with her fingers, "But I'm sorry too, I was impossible."
"We were both pretty bad." He agreed, not moving his hand from my face though.
"Can we drop it?" I asked, hopeful since I was exhausted of fighting and not just for earlier, but for all the other times too. I wanted us to be back to what we were once, I missed that couple which was young and carefree, full of love. Now I felt like we were 50 and on the verge of a divorce when we weren't even married. "Please." I added.
"Is that what you want?" He asked quietly, dropping his hand from my face to my hand and shifting Lyla against his chest in the process.
I nodded as I finally looked up at him, a small smile appearing on my lips. "Yes, no more fighting." I leaned into him to kiss his lips chastely.
"Look how cute you guys are." Sean's voice echoed from the living room and a second later he was next to us. My body tensed and I pulled away from Trey, hoping that my brother wouldn't sense that there was something wrong. "Hey." He nodded at Trey before patting his back. "I didn't know you were going to be here too."
"I came to pick Jules..." He trailed off, shooting me a questioning look, "Right?"
"Yes." I nodded and forced a bigger smile as I glanced at Sean.
Sean took Lyla out of Trey's arms and beamed at her as she smiled wide into his face. “When are you too going to pop one out?” He asked, smirking as his little girl started talking nonsense at her father.
“Ha.” I said rolling my eyes, not able to bite my tongue. “I like my body the way it is thanks, and if I have baby pangs I can just come visit my neice.”
Trey rose his brow at me. “Baby pangs?”
I shook my head. “Don’t worry, it’s never happened.” I squeezed his hand and he looked back to Sean.
“Thank god.” He said seriously and for a second I wondered how he'd act if he was in Sean's shoes. Then I pushed the thought away.
“It’s too bad, you two would make cute kids.” Sean grinned at his girl and Trey and I looked at Sean. Ever since he got married he started talking like his wife and while a part of me found that very sweet, the other part found it really funny.
“It’s what Greta always says.” He shrugged, looking a little sheepish and my boyfriend just smirked, shaking his head at him. Sure as h.ell Trey wouldn't ever use my words, he had plenty of his owns. “Are you guys going out tonight?” He asked, setting Lyla in her play chair on the floor.
Trey and I looked at each other, since I didn't even know I'd see him until a few mintues before, let alone have plans for the night. “Yeah.” Trey said finally, grabbing my waist and pulling me closer to him, making me realize how much I missed his touch. “I thought I’d take my girl dancing tonight.”
I raised one brow at him, but I was also pleased. I wasn't sure if that was the wisest choice, maybe a night spent talking would be better, but I wanted nothing more than having fun with my boyfriend like once we used to. “I should probably go home and change, I'm not sure clothes with spit up are allowed at night clubs." I joked, glancing down at my old sweater.
“We could go shopping instead….” Trey trailed off.
My head shot in his direction and I parted my lips in shock. He didn't even like go shopping for himself and the few times he had come with me he looked like someone was torturing him. "I-" I started, but my brother decided that I had taken too much before talking.
"Did you hit your head? You know that offering her to go shopping is a suicide." He grinned as he crossed his arms against his chest, looking like the same old silly brother that I loved. Even if he made fun of me everytime he could, no matter if we weren't teenagers anymore.
I narrowed my eyes at him even if he was kind of right. "What would you know, you never came with me."
"She's not that bad." Trey interjected, shrugging his shoulders as he looked at his friend. And there it hit me: he was trying to make up for our fight and I felt a sting of pain in my chest because he was trying and maybe I was just a b.itch.
I turned in his arms suddenly and stared into his eyes, smiling, "I am awful. And I don't need new clothes." I said softly, setting my hand on his hard chest.
He moved his hand on the small of my back, smiling back in a way that always made me melt. "Are you sure?"
"H.ell she is, she has more clothes than ten girls together." My brother said from behind me, ruining the moment again. Apparently that was something which wasn't ever going to change.
I spun on my heels, noticing from the corner of my eye Trey biting back a grin. "Have you ever seen my closet?" I retorted.
Sean smirked wide, "I'd probably get lost."
Trey laughed, his chest vibrating against my back and causing me to smirk. Hearing him laugh was refreshing. "If only you came over sometimes you'd know it." I shook his head at him.
"I'd like that but you know..." He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, looking once again very tired. "Lyla doesn't leave us too free time."
"You two," I started, my eyes bouncing between the men I loved the most in my life, "Should go out sometimes and let us girls at home together." I suggested, knowing that both of them needed that. They used to be so close and now they rarely hung out together.
“I like that idea” Trey said, smiling down at me. That meant that we were fine...right?
“I could use a night out.” Sean agreed. “You know something without diapers and the Real Housewives of Orange County.” He made a face and Trey made one too.
“I'm pretty sure you love that show.” I teased as my hand slipped into his slowly. It was crazy that whenever things between us got back to be fine I felt the physical need to have him close. I wasn't even a needy girlfriend, I was quite the opposite actually, but I guessed that feeling him with me, his warm body around me, reassured me when I needed to.
“How about some beers and a sports bar instead?” Trey smirked and Sean nodded. “Like old times.”
“Except with less hitting on girls.” I added, remembering how bad those two used to be even though I was sure neither of them would ever do something bad now.
My boyfriend grinned as he snaked his strong arm around my waist and pulled me into him. “Hitting on girls at bars helped me find you.” He pointed out, pushing my hair back as Sean made a face.
“Just because I approve of you two now doesn’t mean that you’re allowed to be gross in front of me.”
“Trust me.” Trey said seriously, smirking at me. “This is not us being gross…..”
I bit down on my lip, stopping the urge to agree with him, and Sean shook his head. “That is my baby sister you’re talking about right now.” He said, narrowing his eyes, still protective. If he only knew the makeup sex we were going to have...
“Mhmm.” Trey said ignoring him until Lyla started squealing and we all looked over at her.
“Princess need more attention.” I said, smirking at my adorable niece as she held out her arms to be held.
“Yes…apparently being a diva runs in the family.” Sean said, picking up his daughter and bouncing her as he looked at me as I shrugged innocently.
“That must be Greta’s family.” I said offhandedly, making Trey smirk.
“Sure. Are you guys hungry? I could eat a buffet right now.”
“I could order some food.” Trey offered. “When is Greta getting back?”
"I think in one hour or so." My brother said casually, pacing the room as he held Lyla against his chest.
"I can cook something..." I trailed off, always willing to do something to keep myself busy or just to please people. I had always done that since high school, but it had got worse with my job...not that I needed peoples approval, I just wanted everything to work perfectly, from the big parties to the small things in life. Did that make of me a control freak? Maybe, but I was a good cook too so my brother couldn't complain.
He turned my head in his direction and blinked his eyes, as if considering the offer. "Nah. You and your gross boyfriend go out and have fun. We'll be fine."
Trey took his hand away from me to run it through his hair as he grinned at my brother, "The gross boyfriend would be okay with lend his girlfriend to the overprotective brother."
I smirked at his words and shot an amused look at Sean, "You're going to be crazy when Lyla's a teen." I pointed out.
"I don't think so." He retorted.
Trey laughed and shook his head, "You were bad enough with Jules, that poor girl will live through hell."
"I'll save her and I'll be the good aunt who lies for her when she goes on dates." I teased my brother, even though I'd probably never do that. Still, I liked seeing his face getting all the shades of red.
He snorted but grinned eventually, "Why are you still doing here? Your voice is annoying."
"Like yours." I shrugged as I walked over him, wearing my jacket and grabbing my bag in the process. "Call me if you need me again." I said with a smile as I bent over my perfect niece to press a kiss on her forehead.
"Sure, thank you for today Jules." He smiled back at me before nodding at his friend, "Trey, teach her how to behave."
"Count on it." My boyfriend smirked before we both made our way out of the apartment, our hands still locked as New York's cold hair hit us. "Cab?" He suggested.
I shook my head and lifted our hands to wrap his arm around my shoulders, "It's just a few blocks, I want to walk." And talk I added into my head. I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to be able to relax with him on our way home.
“What do you want to do tonight really?” Trey asked, squeezing my hand and looking down into my eyes. And that was then I got that feeling again, like my life with him was slipping through my hands, and I got scared.
“Trey…” I looked at the ground, losing my mind in my thoughts again.
He stopped walking, tilting my head up. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong? What’s happening to us?” I asked out loud the question I had been in my mind in the last weeks. Maybe after saying it and after hearing a good, reassuring answer, things would get better. Maybe.
He just blinked, then shrugged and swallowed, running his hand through his hair and scratching the back of his neck. “We just….we’re….I don’t know Jules.” He said shaking his head finally. Unfortunately, he didn't have the answer I was looking for and that? It scared me even more.
I blinked fast, fighting the urge to cry since I hated crying and when I did it meant I was at the point of no return. “Do you love me?” I said softly, almost inaudibly, needing to hear it.
He looked hard at me, cupping my face and running his thumbs over my cheek. “Yes.” He said it hard, his tone definitive. I didn't doubt his feelings for me, still I was growing an insecurity which was out of character for me and it was killing me.
“I love you…..but why is it so hard for us?”
“We’ve been together for a long time Jules….you can’t expect us to always be perfect.”
I nodded, thinking that maybe that was the problem, I expected too much from my relationship and I didn't take in enough consideration the good parts. “I know that….but god Trey you were trying to get drunk this morning!” I said out of nowhere, the image of him with a glass of whiskey popping in my head.
He clenched his jaw and I knew that was the sign of him on his way to lose his temper, which lately was a short one. I knew that it wasn't like the end of the world, but it wasn't normal either. It was like he couldn't handle me sober and he'd rather escape reality than face me. “I'm sorry.” He said eventually, and I could hear the coldness behind his words. That meant we were done talking, because I couldn't say anything without him getting cold or acting like an a.sshole and that p.issed me off so I just closed myself.
“Just….” I shook my head and looked at the ground, guessing that our truce was over already and we were back to our usual s.hitty mood. That was how it was always, one minutes we were good and ten we were in hell, it was an emotional rollercoaster that I couldn't stand anymore, mostly because it was not me. I acted like I was pmsing 24/7 and I hated it. “Let’s go home.”
“I thought I was taking you dancing.”
I shrugged. “I'm kind of tired Trey. I think I’ll just go to bed.”
He rose a brow at me. “It’s 7.” He said seriously.
I sighed, wondering how he could act like nothing happened and think to go dancing and have fun. “Do you really want to go out tonight?”
“If you want to go home you can….don’t you want to eat?”
I crossed my arms against my chest, glancing at him, "If I want to go I can?" I repeated his words
"Yes." He anwered simply, shrugging.
"Meaning if I go home you won't?" I asked as I raised one eyebrow at him. He'd better to be kidding me because if he wasn't then I was ready to spin on my heels and go back to my brother.
"Why do you always have to read things in what I say?" He retorted, not answering my question and from the edge in both of ours voices? We were about to fight, and I didn't want to do that in the middle of the street...or anywhere else. I was so tired of fighting.
I sighed and shook my head, "It was just a f.ucking question but of course you can't even answer."
He blinked at me, looking suprised, "A f.ucking question?" He echoed me.
I pursed my lips together, I knew what was that look for. I wasn't the kind of girl that cussed, not even when I was mad, if I was using such a language I had to be really exhasperated. "I'm sorry." I said eventually.
"For everything." I answered in a soft tone, even if it wasn't totally true. I wasn't lying but I didn't think it was all my fault either...still, I wanted this hell to stop.
He shot me a look, I could tell he was doubtfull but decided to not press on the subject, which didn't surprise me since he always wanted to avoid any argument, even when it was needed. "I'm sorry too." He said after a few seconds of silence, his tone sincere.
"Good." I let out the breath I was holding and looked up at him, "I don't really feel like going out anymore."
"Uhm." He mumbled unintelligently even though he had to know what neither of us was in the right mood to stay out and party until morning.
I tried to think fast, trying to find the way to fix this awful night. What could he like to do? What did I feel like doing? "What about we go home, I'll start a bath for you, you can relax while I cook dinner then we watch a movie and cuddle?" I tried, not sure if it was a good idea.
"How does that sound to you?"
"It sounds like what we need." And in a way I knew it was.