need you tonight│inxs
billie rogers│chicago’s finest
july 28th, 2012
Sitting down in the locker room, I ran a tired hand through my hair. I had been on shift for well over 12 hours and I was still needed for another few hours. A train had crashed and we were flooded with patients of all age and of all states. I couldn’t tell those who were dead from those who were alive, the amount of blood and injuries on every single patient. It was exhausting and the locker room was the only place I could escape from the chaos.
“Need a breather?” I looked up and watched as Camilla Adams walked from around the lockers, a tired smirk on her lips.
“Yep.” I answered, popping the ‘p’. Usually I would feel awkward and annoyed in her presence but I just didn’t have the energy. And by the looks of it, neither did she.
She took a seat on the bench opposite and looked at me. “How are you finding your first major accident?”
I took a deep breath. “Exhausting. I don’t think any other word describes it. Apart from draining.”
“I felt like that. Mine was 9/11.” At the mention of 9/11, I looked up at Camilla, who just smiled again. “Yep, talk about being initiated in the world of surgery.”
“I didn’t realise you lived in New York.”
“Born and raised. I left soon after 9/11, too much had happened so I moved to Chicago. I’ve been here ever since.”
I nodded. “Wow.” I cleared my throat before I asked my next question. “Did you lose anyone?”
She took a while to answer and I didn’t push. I was surprised she hadn’t told me to mind my own business.
“Yeah, I lost my fiancé.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I guess I was expecting for her to say no one or maybe a close friend. “We’d been together since we were 14.”
“I’m sorry.” She nodded and smiled again. This was a new side to Camilla that I had never seen before. A vulnerable, exposed side that she never let show when she was outside. The only side we ever saw was the b-tchy side we all hated.
“Thanks.” She played with the necklace around her neck before talking again. “You’ll make it you know.”
“Becoming a surgeon. You’ll make it. You’re tough, like me.”
I looked down, slightly embarrassed by the compliment. “Thank you.”
We stayed in silence for a while, I didn’t know what to say to her. What could I say? Thanks for being nice to me but I’m sleeping with your boyfriend? I felt awkward to say the least.
“I know Jack likes you.” Startled, I looked up, my stomach turning. Did she know? “He really likes you, I can see it in his eyes.”
I didn’t what to say to her. Luckily she kept on talking.
“I love him. And I am begging you to let me have him. Please. You remind me of myself when I was your age and I know what I would have done, what I still would. But I am asking you to not do anything. I need him, he’s the only person I have left in my life.”
I sat there and stared at her before answering. She was guilt tripping me but for some reason, I wasn’t angry. For the first time ever, she was talking to me genuinely. I believed every word she said and it was for that reason I gave her the answer I did.
She smiled and stood up, walking towards the door. Before she left, she turned to me again. “Thank you.”
Watching her leave, I didn’t move from my spot on the bench. It was the first time I had ever seen Camilla Adams look slightly vulnerable. And she actually suited it. And it was for that reason and for every other reason that made her the tough b-tch that she was today, that made me agree to leave Jack alone.
I had no right to Jack. He wasn’t mine, he was Camilla’s and I could see she needed him and loved him more than I did. What I was doing was wrong and I didn’t want the label of a home wrecker. I felt the guilt settle in my stomach as I thought about mine and Jack’s relationship and I knew I was doing the right thing.
Now I had to tell him.