hall of fame│the script ft will.i.am
ugh....i hate this set with a passion. @elizabeth-kate - i'm tagging you to make up for not tagging you the other day..now my conscience is eased.
billie rogers│chicago’s finest.
august 7th, 2012.
“You’ll love this.” I gave Jack a tight lipped smile as he placed the plate in front of me.
“Thanks.” He sat down opposite me and gave me a big smile before tucking in to the pasta dish he had made us. “This is amazing, if I do say so myself.”
Taking a bite myself, I nodded in agreement although I was struggling to swallow it down. But it wasn’t to do with how it tasted. It was to do with my conscience and the feeling of guilt that flooded my whole body, making it hard to do anything.
How do you sit comfortably across from the man you are about to break off a relationship with. Albeit, an affair but it was still a relationship. And one that I had loved every second of. But it wasn’t fair on the third party in this situation, who had done nothing wrong.
“Are you okay?” I must have been staring because as I blinked my eyes back into focus, Jack was staring at me, a concerned look on his face.
I smiled again, hoping it was a reassuring smile and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”
He nodded, not looking convinced at all. “Okay, as long as you’re sure.”
I nodded again and then went back to eating, the guilt I was feeling even stronger than it was 5 minutes ago. After another 20 minutes, I gave up, pushing the plate away.
“I’m not hungry babe, but it was lovely.” He nodded again, his eyes not believing a word I was saying. I felt under scrutiny as I stood up, taking my plate over to the sink. Placing my hands either side, I took a deep breath, my knuckles turning white as I tried to hold myself up.
“What is going on babe?” I felt Jack’s breath on my neck and I jumped, moving away from him and walking to the opposite side of the room. I heard him sigh loudly and he turned around to face me, leaning against the side, a look of anger on his face. I didn’t blame him whatsoever.
“Right, I’m going to ask one more time. What the f-ck is going on?”
I closed my eyes at the harshness of his voice. But I utterly deserved it. He didn’t know what was going on in my head and why I was treating him the way I was. He would be better off with Camilla. She wouldn’t treat him like this.
“I-,” I started but I choked almost instantly. I couldn’t find the words so I did the only thing I could do. I cried. Seeing and hearing my sobs, Jack’s arms were instantly around me and I melted into them, although I knew I should have pushed them away.
“Shhhh, whatever it is going on with you, we’ll figure it out. Just tell me what’s the matter?” Taking a shaky breath, I shook his arms off me and I walked away again, my arms wrapped around my body for some sort of comfort.
“We need to stop this.” It didn’t even sound like me as I spoke those words. It sounded foreign to me but at least I had gotten them out.
“Need to stop what?” I groaned at the stupid question.
“This. Us. It needs to stop.” I didn’t look at him as he took my words in. Instead, I stared out of the window, watching the quiet street. I didn’t want to hear his reply but I knew it was coming.
“What? Did I just hear you right? You want us to finish the good thing we have going?”
I scoffed. “Good thing? We’re having an affair! How can that be a good thing?” I took another deep breath. “We should have never of started this.”
“Don’t start acting guilty now. You wanted this as much as I did. So do not play the innocent with me.”
I turned around, finally facing Jack, who looked plain angry. “I’m not. I’m just finally realising that this is wrong. I was naïve in thinking we could work after starting the way we did.”
“This isn’t you talking. This is someone else that has gotten inside your head. So, who was it? Shannon? Camilla?”
I didn’t do anything as he listen the two names, hoping that I didn’t react as Camilla’s name was mentioned. “No one, this is me. These are my words.”
I sighed again and turned to face the window once more. “Camilla doesn’t deserve this.”
Instead of words, I heard clapping instead. Frowning, I turned to see Jack clapping his hands, a look I couldn’t describe on his face.
“And there we have it. There’s the reason.” He stopped clapping and walked towards me. “What has she been saying to you? How did you let her worm her way into your head? She’s a manipulative b-tch and I actually can’t believe you have fallen for whatever she told you.”
As he reached me, he reached for my wrist to pull me closer to him. “Don’t let her win Billie, please.”
I closed my eyes, countless thoughts swimming around in my head. Was he right? Was what she told me the other day a load of crap? I didn’t know what to think anymore.
“I don’t know what to do.” I whispered quietly. I felt helpless to my feelings. I did feel guilty for being with Jack but it was worth it. I cared for him a lot and I didn’t want to let him go. But as long as we were hiding, Camilla would always be in the back of my mind. She seemed so genuine but Jack’s words were playing in my ears. Was she just being manipulative?
“Yes you do.” I opened my eyes again and found myself looking into Jack’s. “You want us to be together, to stay like this.”
He was right. I did want to be with him. There was no point denying it. It would be fruitless. Nodding, I fell into his arms, which encased me perfectly.
There was no way I was giving Jack up and Camilla would just have to suck it up.